Why being likable can be a remarkable life skill

Why being likable can be a remarkable life skillWhy being likable can be a remarkable life skillNot many people are excited to get a phone call from an FBI agent. They tend to be even less enthusiastic when told the agent needs to speak to them about a current investigation. Sometimes I focused on being likable other times, I focused on how to get the job done rather than worry about hurt feelings.As entrepreneurs and leaders, you also struggle to maintain the balance between likability and effectiveness. At times itll be important to establish personal connections and develop new relationships so you dont miss out on great opportunities. Other times youll need to impress new clients and competitors with your competence and capabilities.Although Steve Jobs got away with it, being a jerk doesnt add value in most cases. The tough question for leaders is when to pour on the charm and schmooze, and when to roll over the competition to get the best deal.A gap is created when your ability to get the job done is more important to your investors and employees than your likability. To be ruthlessly effective, a few dead bodies may be left behind and it could affect your reputation in both the market and the organization.The well-researchedOCEAN modelhas identified 5 personality characteristics that are most important to peoples lives. The five traits are Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). These five traits are stable over time and they persist despite our circumstances. They have an impact on how well you do in life.Out of the 5 personality traits,researchhas identified one above the rest that predicts professional success agreeableness. In other words, likability. Likable people possess the admirable traits of politeness, respectfulness, and listening skills.Lets take a closer look at why being likable can be a remarkable life skill1. Be likable for the right reasonsUnfortuna tely, likable can be viewed as a synonym for wimp- the affable person who goes along with everyone to keep the peace. Wimps dont want to upplatzset others and will go out of their way to be nice. They let people walk all over them because they dont have the backbone to take a stand on something thats important.As a leader, you may need to place pressure on employees or investors to maintain the competitiveness of your company. Likable people are notlage afraid to dig in their heels when they see ways to make the world a better place. Theyd rather be called a jerk than pass up an opportunity to pursue a far-reaching vision (i.e. Steve Jobs).Wimps let themselves be influenced by the values of others. Likable people get along with others but stand up for what they believe is right.How To Make It Work For You Identify the core values that are most important to you. Values are a collection of your personal experiences, trials, and successes. Theyre not something to be selected from a lis t because they sound like good ones. If youre stuck, you might need to look at acore values listto remind yourself of what truly resonates with you. Narrow that list down to the five most important. If everything is a core value, then nothing is a priority.2. First Impressions set the toneResearch by Princeton psychologistsreveal that when we see a new face, our brains decide whether a person is likable within a tenth of a second. A single word does not need to be exchanged with the other person.Its imperative to walk into every first meeting or encounter with confidence because it will show on your face. This confidence translates into likability by other people. The same study shows that longer exposure doesnt significantly alter impressions, which means our initial split-second assessment sticks around.Can you correct a bad first impression? Its not easy butother researchhas found that if you provide people with information that allows them to see you in a new context, over time you can change their opinion of you.How To Make It Work For You First impressions are the result of positive body language. Walk with purpose and confidence, maintain a strong posture, offer a firm handshake, smile, face the person to whom you are talking, and make eye contact. If their eyes start to wander, its a clue theyve lost interest in you.3. Lasting impressions Are Also CriticalIts important to make a good first impression, but we also need to make a good last impression because often this is the one that stays with us. Research byDaniel Kahnemanshows that people tend to judge an experience based on how they felt at its peak, and at its end, rather than the average of every moment of the experience.This is called thepeak-end ruleand it applies whether the experience is pleasant or unpleasant.Expertsagree, however, that a positive memory of the overall experience stays with us far longer than a single memory of either a peak or end moment.How To Make It Work For You If you le ave a negative initial impression, you can counteract it with a positive peak and end. Its key for you to recognize how/when that first impression became negative and follow up with a gesture that will be stored as a peak experience in the mind of the other person. Hold the door open, buy a drink, or offer to broker an important introduction- all of these are small gestures that can leave a strong lasting impression.4. Honesty can be painful, but its worth itConvivial folks tend togo along to get along, so its easy to understand why many people confuse likable people with people pleasers.Sincerity and honesty are important components of likability. We gravitate toward people we trust. Likable people are not afraid to speak up even when theres a good chance theyll upset someone. If they dont agree with something said, theyll say so. Theyre diplomatic and choose their words with care to lessen the potential to offend, but they speak the truth. Thats why we trust them.How To Make It Wo rk For You If theres something you need to say, even if youre uncomfortable, just say it. Take these precautions be certain before you open your mouth that your words are constructive and not perceived as a personal attack.5. Curiosity opens many doorsIf you want to be the most interesting person in the room, curiosity is the social requirement. Studies conducted byGeorge Mason University psychologist Todd Kashdanfound that being curious is essential if we want to cultivate and maintain relationships. Curiosity is what gets the dialogue going and is the secret juice of relationships.A big mistake many people make in conversations is that they focus too much on how they plan to respond to the other person. As a result, they dont process what has been spoken. The opportunity for a spontaneous response is missed because they hadnt really listened to what was said.Several studiespublished in the Greater Good Science Center reveal that curious people have better relationships and connect better with others. People are attracted and feel socially closer to individuals who are curious.How To Make It Work For You Ask a lot of questions. People like to know youve listened to what they said. A simple follow-up question shows that you listened and care about what they said and who they are as individuals. When you ask questions of people, you gain their respect and appreciation.Thisarticlefirst appeared onLaRaeQuy.com.